But am still not a Calvinist.
We make up these terms as if we understand their full implications, but, the way people argue their points, I wonder. Free Will, Total Depravity--all of these wonderfully high sounding terms that supposedly define the Christian faith.
If only they were found in the Bible.
That's right, you will never see the phrases "free will" or "total depravity" in the Scriptures at all. And I believe that these terms were invented as a part of a lack of understanding by both "sides"--neither of whom is actually capable of grasping the truth (quite simply because it is "unsearchable", Romans 11:33-36). Only pride would tell a man otherwise.
This is what I find in Scripture: God ordains two paths, the path of obedience and blessing, and the path of disobedience and condemnation. He lets us choose which path we take--but we are never out of His control. God knows all the decisions we will make before we make them, and God has divinely orchestrated events in our lives using the good and evil choices that He knows we will make.
There are so many things that we cannot control, specifically the consequences for our actions whether good or evil and even the dates of our births, that for us to think that we could ever accomplish our own will is foolhardy to say the least. However, it is a clear contradiction of Scripture to say that we have no choice at all in whether or not we heed God's call.
"Choose you this day whom you will serve" is very clear. There is no arguing against it. But it is foolish to say that God is not in complete control, because He ordained who would be there at that time to make those choices.